-
Body Confidence parallels with Unique Voice
The past couple of weeks I have been insanely busy touring a theatre in education show and workshops with Unique Voice, a company I work for in Bristol. The show is about healthy relationships and ultimately encourages the following messages; It is wrong to control other people, that if you notice you are being controlled you should do all you can to stop it, and that individuality is something to be both encouraged and celebrated.
Within the performance Jess, the central character, finds herself in an unhealthy relationship with Joe, an older boy who quickly begins controlling her by challenging and discouraging her dreams, dictating who she can socialise with, invading her privacy and altering her appearance to please him.
In the initial 10 minutes of any workshop we talk to the children/teens about the themes and messages within the show, and in particular, Jess’ change in appearance and behaviour always ignites a strong reaction from participants. I asked my groups today what they thought about her changing herself to please other people and was met with the following responses;
· You shouldn’t let someone else dictate what you look like.
· Just ‘cause he said she should look like that it doesn’t mean she needs to change, there was nothing wrong with her before that.
· She got so worried about what he thought that she stopped being herself.
· It’s up to you to look how you want to look.
· He had no right to tell her what to do or how to look.
· Like, there’s not one right way for her to look so why should he say that she can’t wear her hair up?
Of course these are all great responses, and absolutely correct. But this whole discussion got me to thinking, and lead me to conclude that the situation we played out for these teens today is not massively dissimilar to one the majority of them have experienced already.
The majority of teens (and indeed adults) could find themselves as a ‘Jess’ in a world where the advertising industry acts as the controller. This morning I counted the number of adverts I saw in an hour which told me I should look a certain way, or encouraged me to ‘improve’ myself by aspiring to a very narrow idea of beauty.
Firstly, Facebook asked me if I could lose a few stone in a couple of weeks, on my way to work (which coincidently is only a ten minute walk) I saw over 30 adverts in shop windows all inviting me to enhance my appearance with their products, I went to buy a smoothie and some lunch and was inundated with fat free options, artificial images of ‘models’ smiled at me from the window of H&M, and audio adverts selling me clearer skin and a Hollywood smile played whilst I found, queued and paid for shampoo.
To be honest, I lost count of the actual number of pieces of body image propaganda I was bombarded with in that hour, which provides a scary insight into the amount of these messages we might be absorbing day to day without even realising it.
Advertisers aren’t about to change their methods, why would they when they increase their sales by leading us to believe that we NEED to buy their products. But what we can do is to make ourselves aware of their dirty little games. By making a conscious effort to remind ourselves just why we are continually being fed these messages, we have a better chance of dismissing them as nothing but a clever yet unacceptable attempt to shift products.
To counteract the constant stream of messages telling us that we are not good enough without losing weight/tanning/having really shiny hair/going to the gym/legs up to our armpits/the ‘perfect’ figure we need to stand up for ourselves and our individual beauty, stick two fingers up at the advertisers and take pride in the fact that actually, we are good enough, regardless of whether we look like we’ve stepped out of a fashion spread or not.
Sarah X
-
Summertime! (Time to let your body shine)
Last weekend I found myself breathing a satisfied sigh of relief. Sitting in a pub garden at 9pm I had a realisation- I was wearing shorts. And I wasn’t cold! Yes, finally it seems summer may be deciding to pay us a welcome visit, meaning that I, with many others, swapped my jackets and tights for a pair of denim shorts, maxi dress or other more month appropriate attire (and about time too). In fact, so beautiful was the sun in Bristol last weekend that I found myself feeling a bit like I was abroad. My flat sports a Juliet balcony and my flatmate and I often sit with the doors open in the evening, pretending we are overlooking a beach or other beautiful view (as opposed to reality of our street which usually involves a few drunks yelling obscenities, a couple of police cars and the odd man shouting up into our flat on a nightly basis.)
Summer seems to be officially upon us and the heat undoubtedly tempts most of us into revealing more of our bodies. Incidentally, the sun was so powerful last weekend that my aforementioned flatmate wound up with rather impressive sunburn including gladiator sandal patterned marks on her feet after spending an afternoon in a nearby park.
As a former member of the body conscious brigade I remember all too well the sometimes painful realisation that I would have to either bare more of myself of swelter in ridiculous temperatures as the summer drew in. Given my propensity towards heat induced strops, I tended to opt for the ‘wearing fewer clothes’ option, sometimes leaving me in an ‘I hate my body’ strop, which now that I think about it is somewhat more ridiculous than the aforementioned heat strop. (NB- despite what this blog seems to be suggesting I don’t continually spend my life avoiding strops.)
This summer however, I am inviting each of you to make the choice to celebrate and show off your bodies this summer. Regardless of your age, shape or size, there is nothing more beautiful than confidence. For some reason unbeknownst to me, it seems many of us feel it’s unacceptable to admit that we look good. Doing so doesn’t signify arrogance or vanity- and indeed there is nothing wrong with donning a summery dress/shorts or other attire, looking in the mirror and allowing yourself to accept and appreciate what you see.
In fact this month Body Gossip are encouraging you to do just that. Show off your bodies (I’m not saying you have to spend your entire summer hanging out at nudist beaches, rather that you approach them with pride.) After all, as BodyGossipTash frequently, and very rightly, states- ‘There’s more than one way to be gorgeous’, and gorgeousness looks great in the sunshine. (Preferably with an ice cream in one hand and a smile plastered across your face.)
So try it. Let us know which bits of your body you’re showing off in the sun. Tweet us at @_BodyGossip, @BodyGossipSarah, @BodyGossipTash or @BodyGossipRuth with the hashtag #bodypride
Sarah X
-
Is there more to bullies? →
My blog for Unique Voice, a theatre company I work for in Bristol. Having recently performed a TIE piece about bullying I was left thinking about the other side of the story.
Sarah X
-
Body Gossip on Tour Films →
So for those of you who wish you knew more about the stories performed at last weeks event in Bristol, look no further! They have been uploaded (or are currently uploading) to the Body Gossip youtube channel. You can also catch films from the Bath and York events.
Sarah X
-
Me with the BGoT Bristol team.
Last night Body Gossip was on Tour once again, this time at Bristol University.
Storm, Liv and Claire who ran the event in conjunction with their SRSH group welcomed their audience with an array of baked goods (I ate about 6 brownies), and interactive displays including Storm’s own body acceptance stroke of genius. She took photos of audience members as they arrived which she then invited them to manipulate, proving to lots of people that they actually look better as they are!
The performance was erm… performed(!) by 5 actors, all of whom presented a couple of stories written by Bristol University students. Knowing that the actors had only seen the scripts four days before the event I was very impressed with their performances. There were some great stories too, some poetic, some disjointed, some emotive, some thought provoking. When I snuck a look at the audience behind me they all seemed transfixed.
Nicky Young who acted in the event had this to say about her experience…
‘Working with Body Gossip on Tour was a wonderful experience. The stories people had the courage to write and send in were truely inspirational and I hope they help everyone who hears them to feel good about themselves and realise they are not alone in the way they feel about their bodies.’
But the excitement didn’t end there, oh no. Bristol’s BGoT had organised further entertainment, a female barbershop quartet no less! They did their wonderful thing as the audience continued to mingle, chat about the show and share their own body gossip.
Once again this BGoT event was different to previous ones, but once again it also worked its own unique genius. That’s the beauty of these events, they allow each university to put their own stamp on the campaign. For more information on how to go about holding a Body Gossip event at your university visit http://www.bodygosisp.org/bgontour
Look out for videos from last night’s event soon on our youtube channel.
Sarah X
-
I never thought I was short
The second time I met Ruth and Natasha was the day of Gok’s Body Confidence lesson outside parliament. Looking at a photo from the day you would be forgiven for thinking that they had borrowed one of the many teens present to pose with them. Mainly because I’m several inches shorter than them.
This paired with the fact that other frequent Body Gossipers including Nick and Jake are also really tall. (Though given that they’re male this is perhaps less surprising.)
It soon became a running joke; one which I had to admit was pretty funny. If I stayed with them I’d be given a small towel, or a morning cup of tea in a teeny tiny teacup (most frustrating was a single drop of wine in a small wine glass). I’ve had to stand on steps when taking photos of Ruth and Natasha to avoid an ‘under the chin’ shot. I am after all, as Tash pointed out in the Advent Calendar Christmas video, boob height.
The thing is, despite the jokes, I never thought I was short. Short by comparison, yes, but not short short. ‘But 5’5” is a perfectly respectable height’ I kept arguing, prompting the response ‘Yes Babes, but you’re not 5’5”.’
I was told I was that height aged around 16, and eight years on I had no problems with not having grown since. After all, that felt like a good enough height to be.
So imagine my delight when I walked into school last week (to teach- the aforementioned shortness isn’t being used as a ploy to retake my primary school years) and spied a free standing height measurer. Seeing this as an opportunity not to be missed I quickly passed my friends my phone and asked them to take photographic evidence. Just as I was explaining to a second (rather bemused) friend the reasons behind my apparent sudden interest in measurements she stopped me and said;
‘But Sarah, you’re not 5’5”’
‘I AM! 5’5” is 165cm’
‘Yes, and you’re 162cm.’
For a moment I thought it was a joke, but sure enough they were telling the truth. Overnight I had lost over an inch, I felt robbed. The thing is, I knew I was shorter than most of team Body Gossip (OK- all of them), but had still considered myself a pretty good height overall. Of course the reality is that being shorter than I thought has not changed the person that I am, nor what I am capable of, or indeed my life thus far. But for some reason, I found myself in a thought process which included the ever so slightly dramatic ‘what does this mean?’
I couldn’t really tell you why, and you’ll be pleased to hear that this momentary overreaction was short lived. I have since come to the following conclusions…
If I was much taller I would be less likely to be cast playing a young teenager in my TIE work.
I am taller than my Mum but shorter than my little sister, thus making a rather satisfying backwards height scale.
I can now give people my accurate height measurement (You know, in case I ever had someone hold a gun to my head and yell ‘Tell me your height’.) 5’3.7”
I’m shorter than I thought, and MAYbe that’s ok.
Sarah X
-
The Body Gossip Photo Shoot ‘How to Feel Good Naked’
Last month Body Gossip held a photo shoot for the cover of their book. The weekend in question I was in a right ol’ grump and probably behaving like a right stroppy child. Why? Because while other people were getting their kit off for the Body Gossip book I was working in a sweet shop. Now there was a time (not too long ago) when I would have gladly swapped a naked shoot for selling Lucky Charms to the people of Bristol, but alas how things change. In the last year I have seen a massive increase in my body confidence. Yes I still have the odd day where I wake up, catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think ‘Oh God’ (this usually being after a night of gin consumption), but this momentary feeling of dread no longer affects my enjoyment of life, my feelings of self-worth, or indeed my social life.
So yes, I’ll say it. I wanted to get my kit off and to celebrate the aforementioned new found body acceptance.
It sounded like it could be an incredibly positive experience, a celebration of unique beauty and a bit of a body acceptance party.
I’d love to be able to tell you that it was in fact all of those things. But, being absent, I can’t.
‘NOOOOO’, I hear you cry.
Well don’t fret. I’ve received some blogs from people who WERE there on the day to tell you all about it.
Sarah X
BodyGossipTash
My name is Natasha Devon and I have gigantic norks.
I’ve often heard those whose cup doesn’t runneth over in quite the same fashion, ask why women who are so gifted in the bosom department insist on making reference to their own chests on a regular basis. I can see it’s probably quite annoying. But the answer is this: It’s a defence mechanism. People have had conversations with mine for years. They’ve caught the attention of an entire room, whether or not I’ve wanted them too or not. People have pointed, or shouted ‘tits!’ at me, in the street. I’m described as “you know, Tash…the tall one…with the boobs”…..So I’ll probably make a little quip about them within moments of meeting you because then, it’s out there. Yes, I am a 34G. I’ve said it. It’s acknowledged. We can all move on with our lives.
There’s no disguising my breasts, so I make a feature of them. I play the hand I have been dealt. And it’s not all doom and boob related gloom. I am always afforded swift service at a bar. They have magical ‘getting any baby to stop screaming’ properties. And owing to a rather fanatical routine of wearing a bra/underwired swimwear at every available opportunity, I’ve managed to keep them reasonably perky. Thus far I’ve been able to avoid back pain and I once wore a corset that nearly caused a very well known (and very good looking) television presenter to pass out. I like my boobs and they like me. We understand each other.
It wasn’t always thus. Aged 21 I was modelling and despite being a six foot size 8 and desperate to do high fashion, my breasts remained stubbornly out of proportion with my slender frame and my agent was constantly on at me to ‘do glamour’. “Do you know how many women would kill for your figure?” she would roar at me accusingly each time I declined. As a result, I was caught in a no-man’s land between clothes and no clothes, doing the odd magazine and catalogue shoot, or live modelling at launches and events. My agent reminded me every week how much more successful, more wealthy and more famous I’d be if I JUST consented to do page 3, but something about that suggestion felt a bit less arty and a bit more sordid than I wanted my career to be, so I carried on saying no, in the face of more and more persuasion and offers of greater and greater sums of money.
So, it seems fitting that the first time I DID get ‘em out for the camera was at the Body Gossip photo shoot. This felt very different- stones heavier and years older I was empowering others by showcasing my real body, with all its quirks and ‘imperfections’, for a cause I truly believed in.
“My God, you are a sexy minx” our rather fabulous photographer, Dan, said as she lowered her camera.
And despite being bereft of hair extensions, and a fake tan, despite having accumulated stretch marks and cellulite and permanent bra strap marks (well, I’m hardly ever not wearing one), I believed her and I have never felt more beautiful.
Christine Donnelly
Having spent teenage years with the usual bodily angst- mostly that it was too long, muscular and not nearly as curvaceous as my gorgeous older sister, the next few as a fashion model trying to squeeze hopelessly into ever shrinking sizes, followed by a 20 years relationship where I believed I must be crap in every way, finally the Body Gossip photo shoot found me in a state of bodily sereness.
Admittedly on the day, this was partly due to the pleasure of being invited along for such an innovative campaign, getting to see my daughter’s (BodyGossipTash’s) new offices, travelling to the big smoke with my son, plus of course the self-worth I have finally acquired from being called ‘Beautifulbum’ at any given time by my current husband!
Once I’d been assured that I wouldn’t need to de robe in full view of my 22 year old son (aghh!) the photo shoot began. At first I was slightly suspicious that the team had been brainwashed to take the view ‘if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all’- but this was blatantly not so- we laughed a lot causing more wrinkles which is good & it turns out that actually are bodies are fine, in fact quite glorious & unique in their own way. Hurrah!
So, after 53 years, what I experienced during the shoot was a level of pleasurable body acceptance rarely felt before, which is a wonderful place to be as it happens & what a shame that so much time & effort in life is wasted thinking otherwise.
So thank you to Body Gossip for the photo shoot experience & to my body for carrying me around and putting up with my moaning for all these years.
F*uck the Diets Jenny
They’ve got a warming way about them, Tash and Ruth. I arrived in London at their gorgeous office all ready to let them take photos of my lovely …wrists. I’m so proud of them, and it meant I didn’t have to show off anything else about my body, I could just roll up my sleeves and we were off. I could keep my belly, breasts and legs under wraps, keep them secret, so no-one would see them.
The Tash bounds up to me and says, “hello, I’m naked under this” and I realised I didn’t need to feel self-conscious. I chatted with the people there, all very friendly and non-judgemental and something came through to me:
“Jen, you don’t have to feel ashamed.”
So I got into the shoot and said I’d keep my undies on. Then, as the shoot went on I realised the bra staps were getting in the way and off came the hot pink item. And it was OK. No-one pointed. No-one said “ewwww”. No-one suggested I go on a diet. The people in the room didn’t think any less of me.
It was quite the opposite. I had a wonderful time. What’s not to like? Thirty minutes of being told that your body is beautiful. I left that shoot and walked out into the sun feeling like I was walking on the clouds. If people could complement each other on their bodies more often, could that good feeling spread, and stay? Heaven knows we’ve had a gutful of the body shaming messages over the decades, is it really that difficult to do a 180 turn and say only nice things?
I’m glad I did the shoot. My hope is that even just one person out there will read the book, see my body and think “wow, she’s just like me” and not feel so alone. Maybe they’ll start to let go of the shame, the fear and the need to hide. Maybe they’ll be proud to wear the dress, the top, the shoes that they were waiting to “thin into”. Maybe they’ll realise that the nasty voice in their head that tells them they’re too ___________ to look good just isn’t worth paying a nanosecond of attention to.
It took guts to do it, but if I want to create a world where people don’t feel shame about their bodies then I have to … well … do everything I can to ensure that I don’t feel ashamed of my body. I didn’t take just my clothes off – I held out a helping hand to others. I hope in turn, many others will do just the same, in their own ways.
What could you do?
-
The Airbrushing Debate
Earlier this week I was asked to speak on BBC Radio Bristol to discuss my views on airbrushing following a campaign released this week which is asking the government to ban airbrushing on all magazine images.
Given that I had previously been on the show speaking about my former eating disorder I was pretty sure that I would be asked if airbrushed images had been a triggering factor in my spiral into anorexia. Well. No. it’s not that simple in my case. Nowhere near in fact. Of course every case is different, but in terms of my illness an obsession with my size and shape came as a result of my eating disorder rather than the other way around. Rather in my time as a sufferer from anorexia what I found far more damaging were the reports on eating disorders that I regularly saw in magazines. We’ve all seen the pictures; a young emaciated girl in her underwear, along with detailed information about her weight and BMI. Anorexia is by its very nature a very competitive illness and these articles did nothing but spur my increasingly ridiculous weight loss and restriction goals. For me those images were far more negative than the airbrushed images we see every day.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think airbrushing does any of us any favours. Ok so it doesn’t always lead to eating disorders, people whose obsession with these images becomes life threatening are in the minority, but equally we can’t afford to ignore something which is continually feeding into the low body image epidemic (and no I don’t think that’s an exaggeration) which affects a massive number of us. We are bombarded with manipulated and altered images almost continually every day; be they in magazines, billboards, on television, or while we browse the web. Whilst many of us are aware that these images are altered, it’s all too easy to forget that important factor as we absorb these images in our day to day lives. Yes in an ideal world we would see an end to airbrushing, but unfortunately I think it highly unlikely that this will happen. Perhaps more realistic is to fight for these images to be labelled, informing us just how much they have been altered. At least a more frequent reminder of the manipulation of these images might encourage and enable us to view them as unrealistic. By doing this surely we might feel less pressure to live up to the largely unachievable standards of ‘beauty’ that they promote.
I spoke to a friend of mine today, who told me she photoshop’s all her pictures before she puts them online. When I asked her why she quite simply replied, ‘Because they look better.’ Sure, who wouldn’t smooth their hair, or airbrush out a spot, or alter whatever other feature they aren’t happy with? Other people in the room weren’t even surprised or shocked at this confession, but to me the clear motive behind this is a dissatisfaction with yourself. By changing the way you look in images, you are essentially apologising for the way you really look, hiding the physical quirks and features that are a part of your physical appearance, and saying ‘I’m not good enough without these alterations.’ That’s my issue with airbrushing and photo shopping. It discourages the celebration of natural beauty. I’m not just talking about the general public now; even models who are hired because of their looks are essentially not perfect enough to be photographed naturally.
This is why I believe that airbrushed images should be labelled, so that we can remind ourselves on a regular basis of just how manipulated these pictures and our perceptions of beauty are being.
Sarah X
-
This month we at Body Gossip are bidding farewell to our worries about specific body parts. We all have them- maybe it’s a spot of cellulite, or stretch marks, or a mole, or a wrinkly forehead. There are bits on our bodies that we would simply rather were different. One of my biggest hang ups is my forehead. I know, it sounds ridiculous- of all the things to worry about it’s my forehead that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. The reasons behind this are twofold. The first being that I have a pretty sizable mole just in my hairline (now you all know the reason my hair is parted on the right side of my head.) I have often joked that said mole is almost big enough to warrant its own name, but more regularly than that are the times I have stood in front of the mirror teasing bits of my hair in front of it to keep it hidden. Secondly, my frequent large expressions (no doubt my acting experiences have something to blame for this) has left me with the sort of forehead that would probably leave a botox company’s mouth hang down in a mixture of shock and horror. When I frown, or lose myself in a fit of uncontrollable laughter my forehead tends to crease to the point where it resembles loosely pleated fabric. I spent years trying to tame my forehead into allowing me to raise my eyebrows or indeed express any number of emotions without it creasing up towards my hairline, but to no avail.
Over the past 10-15 years I’ve been pretty fair in sharing out the blame to various points of my body, whether it’s that my hips are too wide, or my bum not being in proportion to my waist. In fact you’d probably struggle to find a part of my physical appearance that’s not been under scrutiny at some point. I have convinced myself that various parts of my body are simply not ok. But in reality that’s only half the story.
Rather than it being my body that was the problem, what I actually had issues with was myself. I’m not talking anything out of the ordinary, but somewhere along the line I began to believe that I wasn’t good enough; that I wasn’t ok. It’s very easy to get drawn into obsessing over ‘imperfections’ and to feel that they somehow devalue our worth, but the good news is that it needn’t be so.
This month we want you to look straight at the bits that you aren’t so happy with and to tell yourself that those niggly bits are in fact alright. And that you, are ok*. Just as you are.
Sarah X
* Just so we’re all clear, it is highly likely that you are more than ok, infact I’m betting that you’re pretty special, and that whatever body ‘flaw’ you envisage is, afterall, perfectly acceptable and all a part of your own unique and wonderful image … but our play on words for this months topic (in keeping with the final line from the Body Gossip story ‘What Are We Protecting Our Children From’) has meant I’ve used the slightly less enthusiastic expression.
-
Compliment Showers- A post from Kate
Body Gossip ambassador and general legend Kate Elliott has sent me her responses to this months compliment showers….
I’m a sensitive soul; my friends and familyall know this. And yet despite this fact, it has taken this months Body Gossip campaignto remind my to offer my beautiful and wonderful friend more compliments. Asyou have probably heard; this months BG campaign is called ‘April ComplimentsShowers’ and it’s reminded me that I don’t tell my friends and family howwonderful and beautiful they are enough.
So, hopefully without sounding too gushy, Iwould like to take this opportunity to tell all those people I often forget tocompliment that they are all truly wonderful on the inside and the out.
Looks aren’t important to me; the personyou are inside is the important part.
And yet I know that sometimes it’s nice tohear someone say you look lovely, however, I think it’s more important forpeople to hear that even on the days when your hair doesn’t quite go as you wantedit to, or you wake up with a Vesuvius ofa spot in the middle of your forehead, that you are STILL beautiful and lovelyand fab ‘just the way you areeeeeeee’.
Gushy Kate over and out xx
